Jake

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adj.

Slang - Suitable or satisfactory; fine.

noun

  • A friendly human to be greeted regularly, the elusive Jake is sometimes misunderstood to be crazy. There is also a possibility that he is under the control of Jake's Beard, though evidence for this is still under consideration.
  • A prohibition legal alcohol which leads to such fun things as Jake leg and the ever popular Jake walk.

verb

  • To make better by adding bacon. "I'll take a cheeseburger, and can you jake that for me."
  • When playing Bang!, to kill both of your Vices while you are the Sheriff.

The Man

Jacob Benjamin Hench (born June 23, 1983)

Jake was formed from the milk of a goat, elderberries, and a lock of rumplestiltskins chin hair. Although no one is quite certain how any of these materials could make a person, one thing is for sure...that Jake has a beard. I had the recent chance to talk to Jake and it was quite interesting.

  • Me:"Thank you for taking the time to talk with me."
  • Jake:"Who are you?"
  • Me:"What is your political stance as far as The Retard Rearing Republicans and The Dickless Drooling Democrats?"
  • Jake:"How did you get into my house?"
  • Me:"The door was open...Are you trying to avoid the question?"
  • Jake:"I should probably call the police!"
  • Me:"Indeed you shall, but let me ask you a real question. How does milk, berries, and hair from a mythical legend create a person such as yourself?"
  • Jake:"What? They can't! This is dumb! Get the heck out of my house ya bastard!"

Although I did not get the answers I was searching for I did get laid by his supposed mom. Just remember Jacob your house is always open.......and I know where you live.

Other Facts

As previously mentioned, Jake sports a beard. And he's also a carpenter. Many think that this is his attempt to pay homage to his role model, Jesus. But that is not true, for Jake's truly trying to emulate his real role model, Bob Villa.

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