Signs of the Apocalypse

Many of the Robipedia scholors have been working together with the Johnipedia experts to determine the 7 Signs of the Apocalypse. These two sources have been greatly analyzing the findings of The Church of Johnarianism. The secrets of each of the texts that have been unearthed are hidden within different complex codes. They have come to realize that there are 7 signs but have only managed to learn one of these signs, unfortunatly the have no idea where on the list this sign ranks, so it has been placed atop of the list as it follows here:

1.) A man named Nathan Paul Rash will find a real girlfriend.

2.) A man named Zach Binder will grow a Phallus.

3.) Elizabeth will become chaste.

4.) Noel's baby's daddy will learn how to park.

5.)

6.)

7.)