Zach

Zach (born November 16, 1985)
A.K.A. Red Headed Step-Child, soda water

The only one using this wiki that knows what a period is (only in the grammatical sense, though).
Is going to kill John Vines because he deleted the period from the end of the previous fact.
Zach was never a baby, he is a wooden puppet that was given life by a poor, Jewish dirtfarmer.
Hobbies include glue sniffing (prefers Elmer's) and chive smoking.
Steals chairs.
Likes to pound.
Has the ability to sense when you're about to get offline, and likes to start an AIM conversation at that moment.
Is a source of error, sometimes an even bigger one then Phil.
His password is NOT "Ihateyoumommy".
Thinks the color of infinity in an empty glass is red.
Touching his hair is like touching a cloud.

"Fat people are obese."
"The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far. The sciences, each straining in its own direction, have hitherto harmed us little; but some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the deadly light into the peace and safety of a new dark age."