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==John Vines== | ==John Vines== | ||
Revision as of 03:01, 15 March 2006
I rule because I'm Zach's main squeeze. (updated by Becky Hawk)
Contents |
John Vines
Birth & Early Years
Johnathon "P" Vines, aka √(α−e²) was originally born in Yorkshire, England. However, there was much controversy over his birth and some believe that he may have been spawned, much like salmon and halibut are. Either way, John's life was one adventure to the next.
After swimming his way away from the womb (since he was born in the Thames), John embarked on his first adventure at the age of 2 weeks old. Lacking suitable food in the Thames (the fish were actually larger than him at this point and considered him food), John swam to shore. Upon reaching the shore, John promptly snatched up another baby and ate it whole, earning him the nickname, Jimbolaya.
Living off a diet of other babies and the occasional pickled chicken foot, John grew into a strong healthy toddler, albeit a feral one. While John did not have any language skills at this time, save for the ones he learned from communicating with grasshoppers, he did manage to earn an honorary degree at Oxford for his work in nuclear reactions.
Teenage Years
John Vines was a teenager, much like some of us used to be, but with one extraordinary difference. Well, besides the eating babies and earning a college degree in infancy. John Vines knew how to fly. Yes, much like Superman or that guy who thought it'd be fun to basejump from the Eiffel Tower in that werewolf movie I saw once, John Vines possessed the ability to soar above the heavens.
Unfortunately for John, the onset of puberty crushed all hopes of flying forever, as he was forced by his body to focus upon the young women he began to notice more and more.
Current Years
John is now attending college and his language skills have expanded to include English, Portugeuse, Esperanto, PHP, and several more I just made up on the spot, like Fallafdsiisakkl. He also is minoring in Film and majoring in Computers in the Kitchen, a new degree offered by his college. For more information, please view Chris' blog.
