Signs of the Apocalypse

Many of the Robipedia scholars have been working together with the Johnipedia experts to determine the 7 Signs of the Apocalypse. These two sources have been greatly analyzing the findings of The Church of Johnarianism. The secrets of each of the texts that have been unearthed are hidden within different complex codes. They have come to realize that there are 7 signs but have only managed to learn 6 of them. Unfortunately, they have no idea where on the list these signs rank, so they have been placed in the order by which they were found:

1.) A man named Nathan Paul Rash will find a real girlfriend.

2.) A man named Zach Binder will grow a Phallus.

3.) Elizabeth suffers an immaculate conception.

4.) Rob will run out of Starbrite Mints.

5.) Steve will turn anti-Microsoft

6.) Theresa will get drunk and retain her sense of balance.

7.) MySpace will become so prevalent that even unborn babies have one. OH!...feck!!!